very difficult. It was definitely one of the downs on this transplant
experience. I believe I will come out of this transplant experience not only
cancer free, but a much stronger person. I see my strength developing
through a deeper faith in Christ and through a focus on closer relationships
with friends and family. I woke up early this morning.
My friend Brad, who stayed with me last night, and I went for a walk down along the Montlake
cut. The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and the rowers were out again.
I have got to try rowing this summer. Throughout the day I had many
visitors...Kirk & Beth Dodge, Mary Craig, Kev & Marci Johnson, Doug, Jamie,
Natalie, & Nathan Hostetter, Pastor & Julie Onken, Ken & Charlie Dammond
(brother-in-law & sister), Chris & Kathy Finnegan, Brad & Karen Robinson,
Pastor Bill & Pat Potthoff(Michelle's parents), and Michelle and our
boys...Calen, Kyler, & Tanner. Most of us went for a long walk on the U of W
campus. Kyler, my 8 year old, ran around with his shirt off climbing and
jumping off of every obstacle along the walk. He's got energy! Pastor
Onken led a short worship service back in my room and many of the people
visiting participated. We sang a couple songs and prayed. It was a special
time. We sang one of our wedding hymns, "Holy, Holy, Holy". The singing
made me cry...powerful song linked to a precious memory. Calen left here
kind of sick and threw up in the van on the way home. I called him to tell
him I hoped he felt better, to remember everything is going to be OK with
Dad, and that I love him. After everyone left, Michelle and I snuggled each
other in the hospital bed watching video tapes of Calen & Kyler's basketball
games. Thanks to the Apple's and Kathy Guimond's father for taping the games
for us. It is the time alone, after everyone is gone, when the hospital time
is the toughest. I get lonely and my mind wanders. I have definite fears
about my cancer and the transplant and I usually focus on them the most when
I am alone. Many of my fears focus on the unknown. What will radiation be
like? Will a Hickman Port hurt? How sick will chemotherapy make me? All
these things are scary. My biggest fear? Will I make it through this
transplant? I deal with this fear the only way I know how...by trusting in
the Lord's perfect plan for me. If it is His will I will make it
through...period. I want to say thanks to my lifelong friend, Steve Smith.
His email today gave me so much strength and to know he is riding beside me
all the way through this means so much. Thank you to all who are riding
beside me in this race against cancer. You all make such a difference.