2-3-03 Journal Entry

2-04-03

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Began first day of second treatment cycle yesterday. Took the day off from work and parked myself in the treatment chair at 8:30 and didn’t get done until 2:30. Fortunately I brought my laptop along and watched a movie to help pass the time. I had company today as my wife’s mom, Pat, sat with me most of the day. She is always so supportive and wants to be at appointments and treatments whenever Michelle can’t come. Michelle’s dad brought me a Whopper from Burger King. I needed it because I was getting pretty hungry. I’m not sure everyone else in the chemo room appreciated seeing me eat a Whopper considering how sick some chemo drugs make you feel. I am fortunate this current regimen doesn’t leave me feeling sick to my stomach or give me that metallic taste I have gotten in former treatments. I’ll go in for shorter doses of chemo this afternoon and tomorrow and that will be it. Then I get three weeks off. Yesterday’s treatment was so long because I got Rhytuxin, which usually takes several hours. After I was done with the Rhytuxin they went ahead and gave me a chemo combination of Fludarabine and Cytoxin.

I had an appointment with Dr. Ostensen to check how my blood counts are doing. My hematocrit is up from 28 to 31. The Procrit shot I got a couple weeks ago must be helping my RBC numbers. Low normal is 36, so I have a ways to go. Guess I’m not in cycling shape yet. My white cell count rose a little from 8,000 to 10,000. Still a great improvement from when I was at 108,000 a month ago, but even the small increase bothers me. Dr. Ostensen tried to assure me that I have only had one cycle of treatment so far and I shouldn’t expect all the Leukemia cells to be gone yet. My lymphocyte numbers are at 66 and neutrophils are at 22, which show there are still quite a few cancer cells active. I need those two numbers to flip. You want to have more neutrophils than lymphocytes. So clearly, the battle rages on and I pray that each treatment will result in steady progress towards a complete remission. On February 14th, Valentine’s Day, I will have my blood checked again. I would LOVE to see better numbers on that day.

I did have a surprise visit during my treatment today. My oldest son CJ stopped by after his visit to the orthopedic doctor to have his cast removed from his arm. He’s so excited to have his cast off so he can resume doing the things he loves such as playing piano, oboe, and basketball. It will take him several weeks to get the strength and flexibility back in that arm. As much as I enjoyed having him stop by, I think it was difficult for him to see me in that environment.

I wrapped up my day today by playing catch in the backyard with the boys and going to help Michelle coach Tanner’s basketball team. I am thankful I am tolerating the treatments well and can enjoy spending time with my family. On the way home from basketball practice the boys were asking what was for dinner and we weren’t quite sure. Well, as we pulled up in the driveway dinner was sitting on our front porch. Michelle’s friend Ann surprised us with a wonderful meal. It was awesome.

As a cancer patient you have good days and bad days, both physically and emotionally. The slight rise in my white count is creating quite a bit of anxiety in me. Perhaps that’s why I am writing in this journal at 3:30 in the morning. I pray that God can give me the peace and strength I need to not be so anxious, but to trust in him.

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