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April 11, 2006

 

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  Romans 12:12

 

 “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”

W.M. Lewis

 

Been way too long since I have written in my journal. I haven't written because life has been keeping me so busy.   This past September (15 months post transplant) I returned to teaching full time.   What a blessing.   Upon my return I was asked to speak at my high school's Homecoming assembly.   It was a special honor, for after a year and half away from teaching, it was a homecoming for me.   When they introduced me to speak the entire student body gave me a standing ovation.   What a wonderful way to be welcomed back.    It was a very touching moment, one in which I will always remember.   I have continued to teach throughout the year, experiencing the joy of working with young people.   I have felt pretty good, good enough in fact to ride my bike 13 miles to and from work each day.   However, I kind of took a break from the bicycle commute during the wet winter months.   Despite the energy I draw from my students, I do get pretty tired at the end of the day.   I am still not totally myself, but am getting stronger.  

 

My most recent bone marrow results weren't exactly what I was hoping for.   They showed a slight increase in CLL (Chronic Lymphocyctic Leukemia) cells.   The doctors have made some adjustments in my immunosuppression medications, with hopes of eliciting a stronger Graft Versus Leukemia (GVL) effect.   I plan to be tested again this spring to see if medication adjustments show a decrease in the CLL numbers.   This is certainly my hope and prayer.   I have battled long enough to know this cancer fight again is not an easy one.   There will be many peaks and valleys.   I just keep on praying, keep on fighting, and keep on hoping.   The main thing is, I am here today.   Here teaching school, here loving my family, here living to grow closer to my awesome God.   As always, I know that giving up is not an option.   I recently read this awesome quote from my cycling and cancer survivor hero, Lance Armstrong:  

 

“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or Fight Like Hell.”

 

Lance Armstrong

 

The last words of this quote may sound a bit harsh coming from me, but sometimes you have to throw out some strong words to emphasize your passion for something.   Clearly, I am passionate about surviving cancer.

 

As I write this journal I am currently in one of those valleys.   I must precede this story with a little history.   About a year ago my family was invited to join some other family friends on a vacation to Maui for Spring Break.   We anticipated this trip with much excitement.   With all the medical stuff I have been going through, our family has not had the opportunity to take a vacation together in a long time. So you can imagine the thrill on April 1st as we packed our bags and flew to Maui to embark on our dream vacation.   The first day of vacation was awesome.   We boogie boarded in the surf, marveled at the schools of tropical fish as we snorkeled, and basked in the warm tropical sun.   However, after our first full day my stomach began to feel upset.   A little while later I began to vomit uncontrollably.   The misery intensified as fluids began flowing freely out of the other end as well.   Six hours later Michelle and I were off to the emergency room.   My vomiting subsided, but the lower end issues continued and worsened each day.   To make matters worse, everyone else in my family got sick in the days that followed.   Our condo became an infirmary.   I can't begin to describe the smell. Fortunately, everyone else felt better after 24 hours, but my illness persisted.   Sadly, my doctor finally said I needed to come home early from Maui so I could get treated.   So I left my family behind in Maui, flew home, and checked into our local hospital where I have been for the past five days.   Fortunately, things are starting to improve and I hope to be released soon.    Michelle and the boys were able to have a lot of fun once they got through their own illnesses, but it just wasn't the same as having us all together.   The first few days home from Maui I was pretty down.    Actually, I was really down.   Especially when I was laying in my hospital bed thinking about my family back in Maui without me.    However, as time has passed and I look back on it I realize God has taught me a valuable lesson, the lesson of finding joy and happiness in each day, not just the special days. So often we spend our time dreading what we're doing and dreaming about what we will be doing on the weekend, or on that upcoming trip.   We tend to feel like life is a grind and we need vacations or special trips to have fun and be happy.   Granted, trips and vacations are fun, but it so important to find joy and happiness in the present…in today.   We need to appreciated the joy of being home with our family in the evening or laughing with our friends and colleagues at school or work. Basically, just having joy in the moment.   Even if that moment is sitting in the hospital getting IV fluids for some nasty diarrhea.   Life is short, so it is important to live every minute of it.   Even though my trip to Maui was cut short, I am thankful for the joyful moments I was able to have there, but most of all I am thankful for the Lord's reminder to be happy in all of my circumstances.   Like it says in Thessalonians chapter five, “Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in ALL circumstances.”    (Not just in Maui!)

 

“A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.”

Hugh Downs

 

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