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April 18th Journal

 

"So be strong and take courage, all you who put your hope in the LORD!" Psalm 31:24

 

I returned to work yesterday, still battling my GI Tract symptoms, but confident I could do it. I felt pretty good during the day, but was very easy on what I ate. After work I stopped for my appointment at Rainier Oncology and reported how I was doing. I felt pretty good, but was fatigued and was continuing to experience frequent, liquid diarrhea. There are a couple of very serious concerns my doctor, who is working in conjunction with the doctors up at SCCA (Seattle Cancer Care Alliance), is having about my situation. Clearly, diarrhea this long is not normal and is extremely harmful to the body. My body doesn't absorb fluids and/or nutrients causing me to become weak and dehydrated. The dehydration issue is very dangerous for my internal organs, such as my kidneys. Compounding the kidney problem, I take the medication Prograf (5K-506), which is hard on the kidneys to begin with. Another concern is that since I am not absorbing my medications, my medicines aren't protecting me, leaving me very susceptible to serious, life threatening complications. As far as what is causing all of this, there is still a level of uncertainly. A prime suspect is GVH (Graft Versus Host) of my GI Tract. If so, steroid treatment should get this under control. Unfortunately, it hasn't. They have run numerous blood tests, blood cultures, stool cultures, etc. Doctors are trying a multitude of antibiotics to possibly knock out what might be causing this. The word the Physician's Assistant used was…"Baffling"! Not the word I wanted to hear. I want to know what exactly is wrong and what is our course of action to treat it.

 

To my dismay, my doctor admitted me back into the hospital for at least a couple of days. Entering the hospital again was one of the most difficult times for me. I just didn't want to be here again. However, I looked at Michelle and my three boys and said, “I'm doing this for them. In addition to God, they are what I live for. They are why I fight.”

 

 

While in the hospital doctors will administer fluids and all of my medications through an IV to be sure I am absorbing them. Since I no longer have my Hickman port, IV's are turning me into a pincushion. I have to keep remembering my recent little friend, Parick, who was 10 years old and told me needles weren't that bad. If he could be brave and do it, so can I.

 

"If we cannot believe God when circumstances seem be against us, we do not believe Him at all."

 

 

This current journey is very difficult. It is one of the toughest trials I have faced and frankly, it scares me. However, I will not give up. I will not lose hope. I will battle this and with the Lord's gracious help, get through it. If anyone else reads this journal and is going through their own battle with cancer or other life challenges, just know that you can get through it. Life is not a smooth road for any of us…cancer or no cancer. So in all you face, don't lose hope, focus on your sources of strength such as family, friends, and faith and allow God to carry you through your trials. He will!!

 

I am grateful for all the prayers I can get right now. Thank you!!!

 

I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship.

•Louisa May Alcott

 

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