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 April 25, 2006

 “I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being.   So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.   And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ….Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 3: 16-21

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.”

 

These past days have been some of the hardest days in my cancer battle.   They have tested my spirit, my faith, and my physical strength.   Every part of my being feels weak and completely depleted.   All my tanks are on empty…my energy tank, my spiritual tank, my mental tank.   Each time I feel I make progress, my symptoms get worse.   I continue to have uncontrollable, liquid diarrhea.   My GI Tract is unable to absorb anything.   They maintain me by pumping IV fluids consisting of numerous medications, nourishment, fluids, antibiotics, blood products, etc. into me.   Finally, my doctor entered my room this morning and said, "We don't know what to do here.   We need to send you to the best."   So tomorrow morning, I will travel up to the University of Washington Hospital where my treatments will be taken over by the Fred Hutch Oncology staff and UW GI Specialists.   It is my deepest hope and prayer that they are able to diagnose and successfully treat the problem.   Failure is not an option.   Giving up is not an option.   I cling to unshakable hope.

 

At this present time my fears and anxious thoughts are at their highest levels.   So it is at this time that I must completely trust in God's power to bring me through this.   My prayer will be from Ephesians (see above).   I will be praying that the Lord will strengthen my inner being and show me how he can do immeasurably more than I could ever imagine.   As I have always done in this journey, I place my life in His perfect, loving, healing hands.   I know His love for me is greater than anything I can imagine and I know His healing power is greater than anything the doctors can deliver.   I pray His healing hands guide the hands and minds of the doctors that treat me tomorrow and in the days to come.

 

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.

But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

 

Finally, I know that this trial is developing in me a great endurance.   Like the following quote says, I pray the endurance I display through this trial will bring Him all the Glory.   I am not brave. I am not strong. I am not courageous.   Through Him, however, I can be.   I can make it through this.   The song I am currently listening to, courtesy of the guest teacher who is covering my class, is called “I will rescue you!”   I put my faith in that and firmly believe in that.   I know He will rescue me. Thank you for praying for the days that lay ahead for my family and for me.   Pray for patience and peace in Michelle and my boys.   We share this battle together and fight together.

 

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water,

about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope”

 

 

Thank you to Anne Huscroft and her son, Jake, for decorating my room with beautiful pictures of my family.   The wall gives me so much hope.

 

 

Thank you to my doctors who are doing their best to get me through this difficult time.

 

 

Special Prayer Request:   Special thanks to my good friend, Jeff Nelson, who has been one of my most faithful supporters and friends since the onset of my disease.   Jeff is responsible for helping me maintain my online journal.   Jeff's dad just had bypass heart surgery yesterday.   It was a pretty major surgery, but appears to have gone well.   Please pray for Jeff's dad and his entire family.   If Jeff's father is any reflection of the man Jeff is, I am certain he is an amazing man.

 

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